im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
