I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
