doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
