it was like his penis was on wheels.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
