I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
