i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
