Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
