i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
