Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
