Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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