32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
