If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
