I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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