I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
