I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
