Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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