I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hippo gnu deer
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
