We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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