i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
