my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So many bounce houses so little time
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
