My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I faked an abortion last night.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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