You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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