think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
pop tarts are not kleenex
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
