Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
