plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
