Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
