I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
