my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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