it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
