i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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