im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is it because I queefed?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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