She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
