dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
