New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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