Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
