i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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