i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
sex in a hospital.. check
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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