she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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