You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
