If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
