I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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