i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
