just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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