I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
