There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
