I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Randomize
