i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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