I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
