This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
