If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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