Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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