It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
