i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
