also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
